2003-10-29 - 10:48 a.m.

Violence Survey.

OK. My interest is piqued. I know I'm not the only violent bastard out there, so I wanna hear some yarns. I want 5 replies to this survey before I write another entry. This should take a month or so 'cause I believe most of you punch-drunk scholars couldn't string a sentence together with a book of knots, a spool of thread and a needle. That and there's only about 12 that actually read this shit.

Bow to your masters and commence.

The Last Time I Stomped Some Arse

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.

2003-10-28 - 3:14 p.m.

Vanguard of Culpability.

I read something today that really cooled me off. When I "cool down" it's not usually a good thing - it usually precursors a beating. There�s a fucking huge gamut of things that piss me off that don�t happen to make me angry � there is a HUGE difference. A chick with strange bruising. THAT shit is fucking unforgivable.

I pretty much grew up in a battlefield, with my Mother and me getting the brunt of beatings thus sparing my brother and sister from the same. Needless to say, that when I left the house for good at 15, I didn�t exactly have a good handle on the Reality of Anger. A year later, in University, I saw a guy outside my dorm-room door push a girlfriend of an acquaintance down and the next thing I remember was us at the other end of the hall, my fingers squeezing the space BEHIND his windpipe and blood sprayed walls (from his busted nose�no knives or anything). Nobody stopped me. They didn�t need to.

That was the first time I realized that particular weakness of mine. In the 16 years since then I�ve applied variants of that same execution to 3 other humans, just because someone needed too. One of them was a friend of mine � at the end of it he was wheezing bright red froth from a broken rib that�d punctured his lung, but he never pressed charges. His girlfriend, one of my friends, never talked to me again, but he never hit her again either.

And so on. The humans who�ve been victims of this blindly hateful wrath deserved what they received and never retaliated. Why? Because they knew they were cunts and got what cunts like that deserve. Sad fucking thing is I always seem the one to �do the right thing� and to ignorant 3rd parties, I�m the bad guy.

And that�s lost me some friends in the process. But some things are bigger than �friends�. If a guy smacks a chick around once and gets away with it, he�s very likely to do it again. A guy who smacks a chick around is not worth friendship. I know this like I know my fucking name. That shit is poison that can only be curtailed by severe violence. Girls hate it - it�s never pretty � I don�t particularly enjoy punching a person into unconsciousness, but sometimes it needs to be done. If you don�t stop it early, he�ll do it again sooner than later.

Hell, they�ll probably do it again, anyhow, but if you�ve ever been beaten so bad you see stars down a dark tunnel, you never forget the face of the person who did it.

I�m wary of that happening to me nowadays � me seeing the Red again � �cause I�m not the same fighter (ed: I'd previously written 'street fighter' but Maritime Canada allows for many arenas for drunken fists and feet) I was in my teens and 20�s. I�m much more dangerous now. That comes across as arrogant, but I really don�t mean it like that. This confidence comes with the skills gained through 2200 hours (or so my book tells me) of practice in my style of Kung Fu. I know what the training has afforded me, physically speaking. It�s been tested in the Temple and on the sidewalk and my Sifus are not wrong. Misuse this Kung Fu and you could k-i-l them d-e-d. Or leave them a cripple or bib drooler.

Why can I see that as a more likely epitaph for me than �Natural Causes?�

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.