2003-11-22 - 4:35 p.m.

Tom Waits Theme Song.

I've found my Theme Song.

"Goin' Out West," by Tom Waits. It was in Fight Club, but I really heard it for the first time today. Up until now it was good music.

I think everyone should have a Tom Waits Theme Song. "I'll Take New York" is the Theme Song I've crowned one of my friends with. She said, "That's a great Theme Song."

It really is.

Get dirty tonight, people. It's Saturday.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.

2003-11-22 - 1:43 p.m.

I'm One SECKZEY Fucking Bitch!

So I�m walkin� around butt neked, getting my shit together to go buy some comics and go to the Rev�s before we head off to his cousin�s dyke party with his 19 year old girlfriend (hey, he�s a single 30 year old�who can blame�m?) who happens to have mushrooms for us.

ShrrrrooOOOOOOMMMmsssss!

But I digress.

I walked by Keeper�s full length mirror and I caught a glimpse of me as I passed. It was of those ��I was so handsome, it was the light, it was the angle� moments that Nick Cave sings in �O�Malley�s Bar.�

I don�t spend a lot of time in the mirror, so I don�t have much opinion from day to day of what I look like, shy of, �Well, at least I�m not an Ugly.� When I caught my reflection I hardly believed it was me. Sounds stupid and clich�, I know, but I went, �Holy fuck!�

My body�s perty lean from genetics and Kung Fu Fighting, but I�ve never been an uber-lean 6-packer like my friend, Fat Bastard. Must be my Scottish genes or a real thick hide or something, but I can only manage a 4-pack. Still. I�m in my 30�s.

A sidebar to Fat Bastard: A friend of mine called him that for the first time nearly a decade before Austin Powers. Fat Bastard is 145 lbs of ropey fisherman muscle, lean as a glass of rum.

I go into the bathroom to take a closer look at my face. I put an old PhotoBooth strip of my Woman and I from 11 years ago in the mirror�s trim and compare.

I have more wrinkles than I did, but not many. There frown marks and some laugh lines, but I�m genetically fortunate. No hair loss in the family either. Heart Disease and Diabetes and Emphysema, yeah, but at least I�ll die pretty.

My face is sort of leaner than it was back then, and I was a skinny bastard in those days. Strange. My chin-patch is 1/3 grey and there is silver creeping onto the sides of my head.

All in all, I think my Lovely and Wise Keeper is right: I DO look better now than I did when she met me. Sure dress better at any rate.

It�s a struttin� day, indeed.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.

2003-11-22 - 12:45 p.m.

Fuck Me.

I�ve just had my thong blown off by a fucking movie. S�a French flick called �Bais� Moi� and the literal sort of translation is �Rape Me.� And while yeah, it IS wonderfully violent and there IS a rape scene, it�s not about that.

Take Natural Born Killers, cross that with Thelma and Louise and put some honest fucking in there and you got Bais� Moi.

PORN IN A MOVIE! Who�da-fuckin�thunk?

But other than the obvious, the real sex was cool because it showed how much sex can alter the feeling of a movie. It allows a filmmaker to push their watchers into arenas not afforded by NC18+ ratings. And it�s shit we just would never imagine seeing here in North America.

Compared to the Europeans, we don�t know shit about shit when it comes to socialism and artistic tolerance.

It was a REAL good fucking (�scuse the pun) movie! For fans of kick-ass bitches with guns and an utter lack of human empathy, this movie�s for you. If yer a fan of uber-confident, super-seckzy, angrily-horny femme fatalish serial killers, this is the shit.

Thumbs for this one? Like my adrenaline and my cock � straight up.

Apropos: Master and Commander? Don�t fucking bother. I wanted to leave 2/3 the way through and I love seeing sailors getting flogged and early 19th century warfare and field medicine, but this was rat shit.

Thumbs? Inside the writer�s eyelids, pulling him to the till to give me my fucking refund and then to the alley to exact, in flesh, the tole of 2 3/4 wasted hours that I shall never recover.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.