2003-11-25 - 12:49 p.m.

James Is Gonna' BE HEEEEERE!

A new entry mainly to change the topic. As comfortable as I may be with the deaths of people close to me, I really don't talk about it too much, so I'd rather just keep the ball rolling. I think the feedback is fucking great, but "Ominus mutantor, nihil inherit," right? "Everything changes, and nothing remains the same."

Y�know, if it wasn�t for the plagues and the floods and the famine and whatnot, Ancient China would have been a fucking cool place to live. The Ancient China of kung fu movies, anyhow. Yeah, I�da been one of those wanderin� rogue monks staying and learning with priests and masters and leave a Hong Kong melodramatic kung fu movie string of pining and beautiful, Lucy Liu, kung fu daughters.

I�d be Li Mu Bai with less self loathing and a fuck of a lot more fucking.

So, as some of the more astute of you may have divined by way of my subtle introduction, I�ve been watching kung fu movies. I�ve decided I don�t feel like working this week and have thusly taken the shit off. It�s healthy to go missing from work. Makes them remember why they need you. And that shit is important to me, because I invented my own position. I showed them what they didn�t have that they needed and I gave it to them. Now they expect that standard of quality all the time, but I�m really the only one that can do the funky pixel pushing and detailed colour adjustments.

But I digress.

I�m watching Crouching Tiger (in SuperBit. They sold it like �SuperBit� meant something to someone three years ago) because, as I�ve written in a the previous entry, �Homer Might Be On To Something,� I�ve back to ingesting news. For what it�s worth.

And that ain�t a fuck of a fucking lot.

CNN is a fucking NEWS network? I get more fucking NEWS from Candy, Mandy and Handy on the Fox morning news. FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH THE MEDIA-FASCINATION WITH SENSATIONALISM!?

I mean, come the fuck on. How much Scott �Cement Shoe� Peterson, Michael �That�s Not the Nipple the Baby Sucks On� Jackson and Iron �Yes, That Is Exactly What Feels Like Is Deep Up My Arse� Hammer do we need? It�s news, but shit, there ARE other things happening in the world.

Like let�s say�the box that Jesus� brother was buried in has been found to probably be the real fucking thing. Even though the Israelis said it was a hoax. Can you imagine that? The box that JESUS� brother, James Q. Rumbalumba Christ was BURIED in! That�s historically very fucking cool. Useless, except to say that a guy named Jesus had a brother named James, but cool.

And a fucking STEAL at $2,000,000.00. Which I think says a lot for ol� Jamesy. I bet he smoked a lot of weed and lived in Joseph and Mary�s basement.

I mean, think about it. His brother was JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! All the secular bullshit aside, he was a significant historical figure. And he existed. I think he was more of a hippie with some real cool ideas like, �Hey, why don�t we stop stoning each other and take a chill for a mo�, wha?� and �Hey, I gotta better idea, why don�t we just walk across those stepping stones to cross that lake?�

Pussy too. Mu�fucker got LAID, I know it.

Digressing badly, but God�s Hammer once told me that the town where Jesus was �conceived� was located near a Pharisee military base and that the soldiers used to go to the town to bust a nut. He didn�t say the obvious, but he has a great fucking talent for implication, n�est pas?

He should be over there writing about Charles and the Chocolate Tube Steak. *GASP* OH FUCKING MY! What an alien concept. Queer royalty. The Prince is a Queen. What is a world to do? Assholes.

But to be Jesus� brother�damn. Them�s some big sandals to fill! I bet he gave up decades before he died. And while the shadow must have lifted a bit when Big J was crucified (was he there? I think not) he was probably an opium smoking mother fucker down at the corner den. It�d be like Arab Cheers:

�JAAAYMES!�

�Hey Mr. Jesus� Brother, what�s up?�

�My blood pressure, tail me one of those dragons, will ya?�

Two thousand years later his shit still ain�t worth shit. Poor fucking prick. He should be the Patron Saint of Potheads and Underachievers.

I'm gonna spark one to him right now in the Rasta "Think Of One Nice Thing Every Draw" kinda way. I'll probably be the first person ever to toast Jesus' bro.

Heh. Fucking cool.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.