�

Glenn Reynolds Says

"Gon' git me some KY and do me some GOB's!"
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2003-11-28 - 11:50 p.m.

I'm A Not-Getting-Fucked Morris Day Motherfucker.

So I�m takin� my �It�s stopped fucking raining so smoke a fat one and take a walk around Science World� walk, obviously enjoying the break in the rain. When Keeper comes back with the digital camera I have to show you ungrateful mugwumps the fucking view I have. One direction it�s downtown Vancouver harbour skyline and 180 degrees and DIRECTLY up from that is a GIANT FUCKING SHINY GEODESIC DOME. A big-assed sparkly Bucky Ball.

Vancouver is such a cool place to get high.

Walking home, I decide to vary my path, because you should never keep regular patterns � that�s just Common Fucking Sense � and I end up outside the old Pacific Central train station.

So I think, �I�ve never been in there.�

So I go in. And guess what? It was a train station, sure enough. I�m lookin� around and notice there�s two cute college girls picking up their equally cute and drunk friend � they�re all giggling �n shit. On the way out I see in off to the side that the drunk one that was being picked up was tracking me, so I look over and as any civil fucking human should, smile at her.

She smiles back and I ignore the urge to make the �Can�t Talk With My Mouth Full� face and instead stick my tongue out at her and leave.

About a cigarette later I�m on the sidewalk nearby the station and a car pulls up. It�s the girls. They turn the shit that was pounding the car�s speakers down and the drunk-just-got-picked-up-co-ed leans out the window and says, �What�cha doin�?�

�Breaking the law.�

�Breaking the law?� from the back seat: �My friend thinks you�d be hot if you took that hat off!

�Yeah. Breaking the law,� and I point up at the �No Stopping� sign above me. It makes her laugh. From the driver�s seat: �Just get �im and lets go! We�re holding up traffic.�

�AND BREAKING THE LAW!� I yell back.

�Me and my friends are goin� out for a few drinks after we drop this stuff off�doin� anything?�

�Come here,� I reply - I feed off this shit, I really do. She comes over to where I�m standing and I aim her east. We wait silently for 30 seconds�

�and are rewarded by a huge gale of wind and noise as two skytrains blow by overhead at over 100 km/h.

�Cool!�

�Yeah. Cool.�

�So. Ya wanna come?� She gets back in the car and I close her door for her � �CAUSE I�M A FUCKING GENTLEMAN � look in at the other two passengers and say, �You ladies look like fucking trouble.�

Which makes them chortle with the �Yeah! We�re TROUBLE!� and whatnot.

�I�ll bet you three just robbed that train and are on the lamb. You�ll rape me, rob me and leave me a husk of a broke fuckin� man!�

�You sure?�

�Got any candy?�

�Candy? Uh�no?�

�Ahh�too bad. I�d get into Ted Bundy�s van for candy.�

And they drove off hooting. The drunk-just-got-picked-up-co-ed leans out the turning car window and blows me a kiss. Cute, wha? I catch it and rub it all over my crotch with a �Jungle Love� face.

Take my hat off. FUCK THAT! I told them.

Why couldn�t those words have come to me in my Fuck Years? I was so coy and fucking suave I charmed my way RIGHT OUT of that GODDAMNED PORNO �HORNY DRUNK COEDS� QUALITY THREESOME ACTION! GO FUCKING ME! I�M�

�so fucking adult my balls ache. My woman better know what a stellar fucking catch of a man I am.

Jesus Christ�free threesome. Ain�t no amount of porn takin� this edge off. Jack Daniels is on the prescription pad for the night!


Spit it OUT, Snapperhead!

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.


old shit. - newer shit.


Y'can't Keep a Fringe Man Down. - 2005-08-03
So Long, Fucko's. - 2004-02-02
Feedback. - 2004-01-31
Chapter 1 - Clang-Bang - 2004-01-30
The Tattooed Infant - 2004-01-29

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