2003-12-07 - 6:08 p.m.

Animal Lovers Need Not Continue.

Well I just ate probably the grossest thing I could have ever possibly imagined - and I am well known for �trying anything once.�

With that being said, all you soy-based gluten-free raw vegetable eating PETA types may want to go read about that polenta turkey you�re making for Xmas, �cause this shit knocked my socks off. And I�m a guy who loves pickled pigs feet.

I was in Chinatown, and was in a little noodle shop buying some BBQ pork and duck and whatnot � when I see it. It was an poached unshelled egg in a little shotglass. Only there wasn�t a yolk. There was something�crunchy looking in it.

So I ask the person at the cash what it was, and she tells me �fetal chicken egg�. A shell poached egg with the unborn chick cooked along with it.

Now THAT was the nastiest fucking thing I�d heard of for a fucking stretch. I was so fucking blown away by that premise that I ordered one for myself.

It came. They cracked it open at the table like a boiled egg. Gave me a vinegary soy saucy thing and spooned a bit on the egg. They were watching me. I could see them in the window reflection.

The top part was ok. That was egg white. Chicken flavoured egg white. Then I got to the meat. Let me just say the meat was covered with dark, downy feathers.

I�m not going to give you a spoon-by-spoon account of that gag reflex taxing horror that was an egg, but I�ll give you some lowlights:

The worst parts were the feet and the head. The beak in particular. Very crunchy. Very nasty.

Feathers get caught in your teeth and while that has nothing to do with taste � it�s fucking feathers!

If anything, the middle was the best, the belly and meaty part of the chick. Of course that�s like saying the best part of eating a big steamy turd is the corn bits.

It was that bad.

�So why do it then? Why finish the entire egg?�

To say, if only to myself, that I have. I don�t like to �wonder� what something would be like. So instead, I�m open to fucking everything when it comes to trying something new.

Helps when ya write, I suppose. At least now I can say I�ve eaten �Fetal Chicken in Poached Egg.� That�ll be a crowd thinning anecdote for my next party appearance.

Maybe someday I'll tell ya the story about the traditional Pilipino dinner my dad and I were invited to where they plucked the goose before they slowly bled it out.

Or the Korean Xmas dinner of dozens of kinds of meat...some of which was raw liver.

Or drinking liquid chocolate from a 6' fountain of fondue chocolate. It was like getting a big ol' facial from a Chocolate Saviour.

Yeah. Food rocks fucking nads.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.