2004-01-02 - 10:35 a.m.

2004

Well. Made it another year. 2004. So how does an Anti like me celebrate a �nothing, really� day? Why, by jumping into a winter fucking ocean, of course.

In the city they call it Polar Bear Swim, but that�s when people do it for the cameras and because others by the droves are doing it too. Not me and my friends. We go to an isolated place � a place with cliffs, and surf and climbing, and NO beach. We tie safety lines to the jagged granite, climb down to a ledge 4 or so feet above the waves crashing into the barnacles and on the count of 4, we dive in.

�Why?" You ask "Why would you do something as fucking stupid and perilous as that, you dim witted fuck?�

Because � and that�s about it. There�s nothing spiritual about it. Nothing idealistic about it. It�s water. It�s winter. I�m naked but fer shorts. It�s a useless, �nothing� act. In fact it�s an outright fucking stupid thing to do, when I think of it rationally. Three hung-overs, in the middle of nowhere jumping off rocks�yeah, stupid and has "we though he was yelling in fun...then he was gone" written all over it.

But if there�s any symbolism in the act, it�s this:

There is NOTHING this year I�m going to experience that will be colder than that swim. NOTHING. If I can force myself to climb down a sheer icy rock face, dive into that crashing winter ocean, forgo all warning reflex to stay dry and jump head first into that stupidity, clamber up the razor sharp barnacle crusted broken granite and stand in the snow, buck fucking naked, covered in steam, brine and blood (the rocks and barnacles are fucking sharp and yer so high on adrenaline, ya feel fuck all for several minutes) and yell obscenities at the tourists 300 yards off shore watching us � yeah, you can make yourself fucking do ANYTHING.

There�s a good chance I�m gonna have to do nothing this year that�s gonna need more self will than that singular act of dumbness. But that�s not why we do it.

We do it because we�re stupid men. And sometimes men should do stupid manly things to prove to themselves and their friends that yeah, yer a fucking man despite what your fucking New Years ball gown might tell others.

2004. Sloppy Fucking New Years, you diuretic masses of Smurf smeg.

Now fuck off.

1 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

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