2004-01-10 - 9:46 p.m.

I Bet Jesus Chewed His Toenails.

If Jesus lived in my building, yeah, I think we�d hang out. Y�know, play some Xbox, listen to some tunes, smoke a bowl, solve the worlds problems and then go freak the tourists out with the �bloody palm with fish� act.

And shove that self-satisfied snicker sidelong up yer snotty shit sacks, we�re a lot alike, if you think about it for a moment. Well, OK, let me do the thinking for you. I can smell the selenium burn from here. Just how are we so samely? Let me list:

1) We�re both attention hoors. While a room with two audience hoors can be lethal, certain combinations of hoors can be like an impromptu Laurel & Hardy skit. I bet Jesus was like that.

I have a feeling he liked chillin� down on the Sea with his entourage, his clique, his so called posse and he waxed some wicked strange shit that blew their fucking lids because they were so fucking high on Lebanese Blonde.

2) Jesus dug a party. Doesn�t exactly come out and say so in the Bible, but come on, the dude did WICKED parties, like the one on the mount, or the one with the watery wine, or hey, howzabout that Last one? Jesus did beer bongs. I�m sure he did.

3) We can both walk on water.

4) We both have really bendy thumbs.

5) We both have a penchant for dirty girls.

But the main reason I think Jesus�n me�d get along is because I know what he was saying. I know the word that was twisted. I�d not get all wrapped up in that �Son of God� shit because, (son of) �man, you�re just a dude like me. A fucking brilliant kinda fucker, but wash yer own nasty Arab feet you hippie-looking bastard.

That�s what it�d be like. That and �you owe me a box of Cap�n Crunch and a litre of milk you gannet-messiah, endless-appetited, pot-head fuck. Eat�n the last of a guy�s munch and not fuckin� tellin� him. Yeah, FUCK YOU I SEE YOU LAUGHING! HA FUCKING HA, YOU WANT I SHOULD GET THE SPIKES, J? YA WANT EM? EAT MY FUCK, HIPPIE!� and he�d roll off the $3000 lumpy couch pissing his robes yet again.

I bet Jesus had a weak bladder too.

Yeah, Jesus'n me'd be buds...it's his Dad I have a fucking bone to pick with.

2 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.