2003-10-23 - 12:31 p.m.

Animal Revolution - Chapter III

The exact �how it happened� is very complex, but now that she thinks of it, she�s embarrassed by it�s clich�. Almost too obvious:

Humans needlessly slaughter animals. Needlessly slaughtered animal spirits evict human spirits from their time share homes, thereby eliminating all of mankind for yet another go at the whole �creation� thing � this time without all the snakes.

Now the astute reader may ask, �But what about the Ani-Humans? You just mentioned something about �eliminating all of mankind�.�

Rest assured, Gentle Reader, that as far as plans go this was a simple one � so simple that the Old Bird has (once more) covered all her bases. Twice over.

By Labour Day the following year there was nobody left to extinguish the burning cities. Those who survived the Trial of Monkeys and the Night of Jagged Rain, did so by fleeing to where they felt most comfortable. To the oceans, to the forests, the deserts, to the mountains � every last one died of drowning, starvation, dehydration or falling off of really tall things like the lemur and mountain goat folk.

The particulars of the Apocalypse can now be boiled down into an �Expedited Recreation� as such:

Within the first three days of The Plan�s inception 99.5% of all human spirits had been replaced by the animal version. The few who were still cognizant joined forces � sociological, political and religious differences aside - to mount a counter attack at an Enemy nobody was sure existed. But it was �a sure that people were dyin�, an� somethin� needed a killin�, an� so armies around the world were set forth to give somebody a paddlin�. An� that was for DAMN sure!

The counter attack, however, was stopped early in its foundation when the very first tank to roll out to engage the reprehensible Somebody�s rolled over top of, and crushed a medium-sized termite mound, sealing the fate and dooming the balance of the Last of the Human resistance.

For a while after The Plan was hatched, it was Pandemonium on Earth. Becoming isn�t a particularly gentle process to all involved and requires some adjustment. For several weeks people packed and prided, gaggled and murdered � although the murders ended soon enough after all the raven and crow-people fell off the telephone lines to horrible and odd-angled results.

After things settled down and peoples souls got comfortable with their new digs, the Dolphins took control and from there on it was relatively smooth sailing. The Dolphin-Men adapted very well to their new complicated brains and now looked over a decimated civilization with unattached objectivity. The world was theirs to recreate.

Plan in mind, they gathered and rallied the new Ani-Folk and began to rebuild. The Ants, Termites, Bees and Wasps were all stellar builders. They built giant glass and steel hives and colonies - tall and wide - and would keep on until someone told them to stop.

They harvested what crops were left and survived the first and last winter. It bought them some time - they�d just figured out electricity and Pez. Oh that wonderful Pez. It was their first National Holiday.

And it would have been enough. And it would have been good, Mother Nature knew, if not for the damned Monkeys. God only knows how many times those six fateful words have preceded tragedy. �If not for the damned Monkeys.�

The Apes and Orangutans, Baboons and Bonobos killed every last Dolphin, taking quick advantage of the fact that Dolphins are completely ignorant in the ways of combat and while cool as they may look and as effective as they were thought to be, Super Soaker squirt guns just don�t cut the mustard when it comes to subduing a nostril-flared, enraged Mandrill in heat. It, as a matter of fact, made them even more angry and full of kill. Which they did with relish.

�Of course the neo-primates had no clue what to do once they took power,� Mother Nature mused. She was quite astounded that Humans themselves had made it as far as they did. It was this amazement that kept Humanity going the 9,000 years longer than what usually unfolded. The Pyramids were what sold Her.

Once the Dolphin�s stockpiled harvest ran dry, the Monkeys and Apes and Orangutans and Baboons mostly took to exploring looted old shopping malls and downtown storefronts that didn�t look much different then they did when they were actually run by Humans. Snooping around the looted businesses, one was sure to find a open-trouble can of pumpkin or a nice squishy-play ball.

Things, again, may have leveled out, if someone would have stopped �oooing� at the massive glass domed colonies and took a break from the �aaahing� at the sky-scratching tendrils of glassine tubes that climbed ever higher and higher, and, for a moment, took the time to tell the Builders to, �HEY! Stop building!�

But they didn�t. And the cities collapsed under their own magnificence. And while though Termite technology far surpasses anything human, I mean, come on�it�s steel and glass, not spit and paper.

And one by one the people fled. And the cities, well, they kept burning.

EPILOGUE

�It was bound to happen,� Grandmother Doe had said, and he believed it to be true - looking down at the charred expanse where Walkers once slept. It burned still, three moons after the last Walker disappeared.

The youngster stops chewing the sweet shard of goldenrod when something delicious called �gelato� pops into his mind. Sunset and chocolate peanut butter gelato in a paper cup overlooking a harbourside � a key-toothed skyline from a rooftop with someone with wind-blown, long brown hair and very pretty. The young deer smiles.

Finishing the goldenrod, the Yearling bounds back into the forest towards Grandmother Doe�s Water Garden. Tonight She said She was having a firefly and glow-shroom lit Petals and Nectar party in her rose garden tonight and mentioned there might be a Sweet-Treat or two in it for someone who helps her set up. It was, indeed, shaping up to be a great day.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.