2003-11-17 - 1:19 p.m.

Fucking Neophytes.

I have just one question for you 20ish types: WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOUR ELDERS? FACKIN�ELL.

One of my underlings, I've noticed, has taken to calling me "Freakshow". She's managed this quite cleverly and inocuously - and for that I commend her - by dithering it into our conversations. Sort of like, �I�m goin� to Starbucks, want anythin�, Freakshow?� or, �Mornin� Freakshow,� or, �NO! I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING SECRETARY YOU FUCKING FREAKSHOW!�

Fucking Juniors. Why is it that youngsters feel an affiliation to me almost immediately? I mean, I�m not an outwardly friendly looking person. I scare people, as a matter of fact. Sometimes the masses are driven to spontaneous violence by merely glancing at the smug, �FUCK YOU� expression on my gob. But the young�ns aren�t phased by this.

When people in their 30�s go to a store or a restaurant or even when they work a job with a good position, they�re usually addressed as �Sir,� or Their Actual Name, or (my fave), Nothing At All. Every person that serves (personal and professional) me seems to like to call me �Man� or �Dude� or �Bra� or �Fuckface� but rarely, �Sir.�

As a matter of fact, I was getting Sunday coffees at Starbucks and the blonde Barista that works there on the weekend looks up at me, smiles and says, "Hey. Wussup?"

I look back at her and with a straight face, say in my Wu-est of Tangy dialects, "Nuh-ehn, yo!" Which of course makes her laugh like a big breasted school girl. The 8'13" motherfucker at the cash takes my money looks WAAAAY down at me and says, "That's fuckin' priceless, Man."

I don't know their names, but I am OBVIOUSLY "The Man".

I think it�s time to rain authority on the underlings. For the rest of the day people must now dance as they enter my office. I have Wu-tang and Eric B. & Rakim playing so there will be no excuses. The girls seem to enjoy being made to dance. The guys, not so much. Except for the 2 homos. They love me.

You all love me.

Now fuck off.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.

2003-11-17 - 9:37 a.m.

I Eat With Gusto!

I eat beets so I can shit red.

Back to your regularly scheduled work day.

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.