2003-11-30 - 4:45 p.m.

The Laundry Catalyst.

Hey. Guess what. You can use fabric softener and not be a gay. S'the truth. I just did it and my mind is completely gay-free. Except now I've just gone and typed it so now there must be gay thoughts brewing up there.

Christ. Who'da thunk that laundry would've place my sexual absolutes in turmoil?

Aw fuck it. Might as well get it over with. Wonder if "Bath House" is in the Yellow Pages?

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.

2003-11-30 - 2:26 p.m.

I'm a Big Fan of Global Warming.

Y�know what I find fucking strange about living in a place where a couple centimetres of snow grinds a city to a stop � besides that, I suppose?

Save for going up the mountain, kids around here will never build a winter-load of fucking snowforts! How fucking bizarre is that? No real snowball fights, no snow drift tunnel-rat bore holes collapsing and weeding the kids stupid enough to play under 10� of melting ice in March.

I haven�t heard of anyone making outdoor rinks around here. It doesn�t get cold enough. That�s just fucking strange. No hockey on lakes, no hot brandy at midnight with a bunch of friends and cracking their skulls but laughing anyhow through the anesthetic heat in yer belly.

Don�t get me wrong. I hate snow. Now. But sometimes I grew up in places where it was night at 3:30 in the winter. We lived a 10 minute walk from school and had to take a bus for the cold. The entire place was shut down for two weeks once because of a storm that left 15� of snow in the playground behind my house. We dug down for feet to find the top of the slide. Shoveling and snow blowing for an hour only to do the same four hours later just to keep up.

There�s good things about winter, shit you make the best out of when you live in the fucking Arctic as a kid. Northern Lights, the sound of crystalline snow blowing across a frozen crust of snowy field. Like a bag of diamonds. The snow forts and Winter Carnivals. Yeah, people make the best of winter when it�s that bad.

I can�t explain how fucking pleased I am not to have to �make the best of it� anymore. Or how glad I am never to have to shovel another fucking scoop of snow. Or come out to a �35C car that won�t start because you forgot to plug the fucking BLOCK HEATER in the night before.

Yeah, winter in much of Canada sucks so much people have an extension cord attached to a heater that�s built into the engine block of your car that you plug in to keep yer car�s oil liquid. I was fucking flabbergasted that people around here�d never heard of that.

And people have the fucking audacity to fucking COMPLAIN about weather here. �FAWKIN� �EOW. YOU DON�T FUCKING SHOVEL RAIN ASSLICKER! Stop complaining before I tack-nail your toes to the floor and fucking tell you REAL winter stories, you fucking WAD.�

0 of you fuckers have been accounted for.

old shit. - newer shit.